A Peek Into My Daughter's Notebook

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My sixth-grade daughter knows that she can get my full attention whenever she shares excerpts from her writer's notebook. This afternoon, she asked if she could read me her beginning as we were driving home from school. Tonight, I found her notebook next to my computer, so I am sharing her beginning with all of you.

"Let's go swimming," my sister says. The sun is shining brightly and the sun rays make the crystal blue water shimmer. The wind makes the trees sway back and forth like saying hi. The flowers burst with color happy for it to be summer again. The dogs get let out and sniff around the garden and chase each other around. Today was the day I was going to jump off the diving board without any help. I jump into the pool and then I arise and walk up the steps and that is when I take my first shaky steps toward my enemy but I know today I am going to defeat my enemy--the diving board.

I do love her little voice as she reads her piece, but you can probably hear it, even through the blog and, in true conferring form, I complimented her voice. I couldn't resist the urge to research and teach, even in the car. "Talk to me about how the trees swaying and the flowers bursting relate to the story of jumping off the diving board," I said. She let me know that her task was to just get the reader into the world of the story. I admit it--I struggle with elaboration without relevance, so

I silently debated, then wondered a little more out loud. "What if you had a line in there that went something like 'it was funny that everything was so beautiful that it seemed weird that this was a day of doom for me?'" (I admit it--I'm teaching the writing here and not the writer...) "Mom," Cecily said, "this description has nothing to do with the story. I'm just using my elaboration techniques."

Sigh. I'll keep working on the relevance factor--but I do enjoy her voice!